A PEAK INTO MY MIND

                                                                A PEAK INTO MY MIND
  Alright so,  I have finally decided to just go ahead and write down my thoughts and observations. In the past I have kept these things to myself but, as the years have worn on I have been letting loose on a few lucky/unlucky? chosen ones.  Now, I GIVE IT TO THE WORRRLLDD!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA hahaha a-ahem. Where was I? okay, let’s start with my views on work and where I should be in life, or where people think I should be on life. So, we grow up with this idea that we are supposed to graduate from high school and go straight on to college and get married, find a job, have kids and live happily everafter. It’s all a crock of caca. Not everyone is destined to live this life but, because it’s what society instills in us, if you stray from that line there is something wrong with you. You are viewed as a loser, a slacker. People look at you with pity and constantly ask you, “Have you found a job yet? Well, what is it you want to do?”. Before I would answer “I don’t know, I’m not really sure what I want to get into” There are suggestions of jobs or going back to school to learn a new trade, all of which fills me with dread. I have recently decided to answer truthfully. “ What I want to do. If I could do exactly what I want in my life? It would be to paint and draw and read and create. ALL DAY. Not everyday though because, I have to go out and have fun. If I can’t do that I would just die. I think that’s why my marriage failed and I became so depressed. My husband constantly criticized my work which caused me to put the pens, pencils, and paintbrushes away. At least while he was around. I had unfinished drawings and paintings following me around for 5years. Some of them I lost, some of them I finally finished after we split. I have found it is one of the hardest most depressing things in the world to have someone you love not support you in your dream or even just your hobby. People, you should never tell a loved one that their dream or hobby is stupid and useless. Even if you don’t think it’s very good. If it makes them happy, have at it! Let them go. It makes them happy, it brings them joy which in turn will make you happy. I became depressed because my dreams and aspirations were dashed at every turn. I mean yeah I have my friends and family telling me how beautiful my work is but, then I hear, “So what ya gonna do with your life cuz you know you can’t make a decent living doing this right?” (Black cloud covers head). So, I take jobs to make money but, they don’t last long for one reason or another but, mostly because I just don’t belong in the workplace. I know that now. I am not meant to get up and the crack of dawn and waste my time making money for other people only to be treated with disrespect and no appreciation. Not saying that all of my jobs have been like that, just most of them. I have become depressed and stressed trying to find my niche in life. What vocation should I aspire to? I think it over constantly and really, there is nothing I want more to do then paint and draw and create. Thinking about having a regular 9-5 puts me in a pit of that word again. I literally get heart palpitations just thinking about it. Ok so, then I have to go back to school to learn graphic arts so I can make money creating logos and print ads? Boring! I need to be inspired! I need beauty in my life! I have decided to chuck some boring arse sand colored plates that a roommate left (sorry girl) cuz I just can’t eat off of dull. I just can’t do it! It makes my whole eating experience depressing! There’s that word again. Have you ever noticed how happy people are when  they are doing exactly what they want? That’s what I want. Starting today, well actually yesterday. I am changing my surroundings as a start to my new life. More color, more music because I lost that too.
  So, people, I hope this makes some sort of sense. I guess my message is, don’t force someone who has a dream to live up to your dreams for them. Let them live their life. Even if you see them having a hard time. Just be there to support them. Give them a little boost, show them you love them and then move on. If they need help they will ask. Unless they’re like me then you do have to ask but, don’t push the issue because we will run. We will disappear one day and you won’t know what happened. Just know that everyone has their own life to live. You can’t live it for them just as you wouldn’t want someone else living your life and making your decisions.
                     THAT IS ALL. I HAVE SPOKEN! Boy, that was easier than I thought